We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
