3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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