I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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