Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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