I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize