dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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