At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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