i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
