I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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