Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
