Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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