is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
