she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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