Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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