You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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