i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
