Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
