I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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