Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
