all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize