My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
