Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
