I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
