Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
