your thong is hanging out like whoa
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
