so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
