Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize