there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
