Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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