matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
