I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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