I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
