i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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