you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
