oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
