As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
