Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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