I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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