I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize