Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
