You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
