all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
