Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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