i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So here I am, sexting at work.
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