the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
