I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
