New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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