i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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