Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
