No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
