I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
