I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
