I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
