When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
