For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
