Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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