i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
