my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
