No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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