That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
