You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i will never coherently bang her
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
