FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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