Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
